good intentions

Tomorrow finals start. I have my History of the New Testament final along with a paper due. Tuesday I have my Art History test and Wednesday my Anthropology test and then I'm done...well for the semester. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Just yesterday it feels like I just stepped off the plane from Barcelona. Now I'm about to embark on another adventure with my 3rd summer at Camp Tejas and then another semester in Barcelona then back to A&M until I graduate...I hope.

Reflecting on how this semester has gone, I have to say its bitter sweet. My intentions of not becoming a super busy American turned out to just be intentions and not reality. Sadly my friends and other people in my life were not a top priority apart from God. School seemed to consume me and I'm sad that I let it. People are so much more important than school ever will be, yet I did not live that way this semester. In other ways it was a great semester, I learned so much. I came to the conclusion that it is not bad to be an American, but it is bad to act like its the only way life can truly be life. I was born in the US for a purpose and I have learned to be thankful for that. Adjusting from life in Spain was difficult at times, but all in all God has been so gracious. He has allowed my friends to be understanding and be gracious towards me. He has allowed so many sweet moments to just spend time with him. I have forsaken him so many times. I let my fear and worries about school consume me, rather than trusting in the one who holds all things together and knows what is going to happen and what needs to happen. The Lord truly blessed me with some wonderful roommates, which I am beyond words to express my thankfulness for their lives. Two of them are getting married and though I'm so excited for their new lives that they are about to begin, I must say I'm sad i won't get to live with them any longer. The Lord has also brought a wonderful man into my life that makes me want to fall more in love with my savior each time i talk to him. There is so much that I have not yet learned, but its not a race its takes years and experience to gain wisdom. Its been a funny semester, not at all like what I was expecting. I expecting to stay angry at the American culture, spend more time with friends than school, paint more often, stay single and lots of other things that just didn't happen.
Well, those are my thoughts. I should probably start studying for my final and finish my paper. Happy Thursday.

Silent Buses

I go to a University of 47,000 students. As soon as we get accepted to Texas A&M we have an instant connection, we are all Aggies now. So why is it when riding the bus, we ride in silence? I mean we all have at least one thing in common, so why do shut down as soon as we get in the presence of the thing that takes us to campus or home? Everytime I walk to the bus stop I tell myself, "okay, today i'm going to talk to the person I'm sitting next too, b/c this is just ridiculous!" So I get on the bus full of good intentions and see that the person I'm sitting next too has already cut me off with technology singing in their ears...the i-pod. So I have continued to ride in silence with the rest of the aggies on my bus. Its really sad. Today there was an awesome song from 90 's on (I can't remeber what is was right now). It took everything within me (kind of) to not get up and start dancing and telling people how silly it is that we don't enjoy our rides to campus and home by talking to eacher other. Maybe I should initiate a game...hmm.

I have been reading a bunch of books and different cultures. One of them was talking about how American's are so friendly and willign to offer opportunities to hang out with people, yet we never follow through it seems. I feel like in general (which I hate generalizations, but well here goes) that we tend to be consumed with how feel about something that we forget about the people around us. I'm selfish, i know that full well. Meeting and taking the opportunity to know other people are so important to how to gain different perspectives on the world. People are worth our time and our discomfort. I know how it feels when someone takes time to ask me about my life and just pay some attention to me...yet I'm so shy in returning it. I pray that I won't ride a silent bus for all my time at A&M. Its just sad.

Overwhelmed

Classes started on Monday. They are all really interesting and I have awesome professors. HOwever, they are all reading intensive and important to my major. I love to read, so I don't think it will be so bad once I get a routine down. Along with classes, the carrer center came and talked to my Intro. into International Studies class today about all the things we need to do to get prepared to find a job before we graduate. I have never worried about what I'm going to do after I graduate, until today. I don't know why, i just all of sudden was so unsure of everything my heart has been saying to me for so long. I started to make a list in my head of people to talk to about future carrers and paths that would be good for me to follow. As I'm typing this and rereading what I just put down, i'm seeing that thats not me and I don't believe that I am suppose to go into some kind of international buisness, or teaching or whatever else those people may say. I know my heart and I what I want to do. Way above that, I belive and trust that God knows my heart as well and He is going to take care of me...and all my student loans. My career path may not be clearly defined, heck I probably wont have a career, but I have to hope that God knows what He is doing. It so easy to be in place where people have such high expectations of you and you start wanting to reach them, when they just don't fit how are created to be. I'm definitly in that place. I want my professors to like me and know that I am passionate about what I'm studying, but I can't spend time worrying about it and trying to reach human standards, b/c then I forgot about God and what He wants of me and He is the one I find peace from. Its crazy how wacked out I can get from other people. I don't know if anyone else can relate, but seriously don't fret over people liking you or not liking you or having ridiculous expectations of you. Living for Jesus is the most freeing thing there is, b/c he has it all taken care of. Galations 1:10 says " For am I seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please me, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." I need to tatto this thing to my head, my hand...everywhere, b/c its hard and easy to forget.