" Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible-- terrible in its determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the beloved." The Shepherd
I have had loads of time to read this summer. One of the books that I read early in the summer was very impacting to my life. The quote above comes from the book, "Hinds' Feet on High Places." The book is allegorically written. The main character is "Much-Afraid" and her journey to "The High Places." Words cannot express how much I felt myself identify with Much-Afraid. I use to find myself fearless and invincible. I did not think twice about going to overseas, I knew it was what I was suppose to do. I felt so confident and assured that I was walking in the right path and that I had no reason to fear. I knew my God would protect me and if anything did happen I knew whole-heartedly that he is Sovereign and that I would be with him in life or death. However, I have struggle this last year, year and half with fear. At times I feel that it could overtake me at any moment. I don't understand why this feeling of fear has grown so strong. Is it because I've finally reached that age of knowing I'm not invincible any longer? Reading the story of "Much-Afraid" helped me to understand that I don't have to be afraid and even when I am afraid the Great Shepherd still loves me and does not think any less of me. He longs for me to reach and live in the High Places. He longs for me to trust him and understand, accept and share his love. He wants to give me Hinds Feet so that I can not only endure difficult situations or times, but grow and have an overwhelming confidence that He is with me always and has equipped me to be His daughter and therefore do what I am called to do. God loves me so much that he is NEVER going to stop sifting the things that are not from Him out of me. His love does not give up.
While reading this book I sat in front of my easel. I felt so inspired and full of joy, love, peace and just plain freedom that I had to create something while God is continuing to create in me a new heart. This is probably one of my favorite paintings I have ever done. Its nothing special in appearance perhaps, but so many tears and epiphanies are painted in each stroke of my brush. I haven't painted anything for myself in very long time...I have felt limited in creativity because I always have commissions that I need to work on and therefore I'm dependent on other peoples creativity to get my hand moving. So this painting represents freedom to me. Freedom from fear and disappointment. It also reminds me of God's love for me and how he is continually washing me over with new colors of brilliance and beauty. As much as I don't want to part with this painting, I think its necessary to continue to live in freedom. At times I feel that I won't be able to recreate or even create something new or old. The more I give or sell my paintings the more I have to depend on God to give me ideas or bring me people with ideas. So this painting is for sell for $200.
