good intentions

Tomorrow finals start. I have my History of the New Testament final along with a paper due. Tuesday I have my Art History test and Wednesday my Anthropology test and then I'm done...well for the semester. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Just yesterday it feels like I just stepped off the plane from Barcelona. Now I'm about to embark on another adventure with my 3rd summer at Camp Tejas and then another semester in Barcelona then back to A&M until I graduate...I hope.

Reflecting on how this semester has gone, I have to say its bitter sweet. My intentions of not becoming a super busy American turned out to just be intentions and not reality. Sadly my friends and other people in my life were not a top priority apart from God. School seemed to consume me and I'm sad that I let it. People are so much more important than school ever will be, yet I did not live that way this semester. In other ways it was a great semester, I learned so much. I came to the conclusion that it is not bad to be an American, but it is bad to act like its the only way life can truly be life. I was born in the US for a purpose and I have learned to be thankful for that. Adjusting from life in Spain was difficult at times, but all in all God has been so gracious. He has allowed my friends to be understanding and be gracious towards me. He has allowed so many sweet moments to just spend time with him. I have forsaken him so many times. I let my fear and worries about school consume me, rather than trusting in the one who holds all things together and knows what is going to happen and what needs to happen. The Lord truly blessed me with some wonderful roommates, which I am beyond words to express my thankfulness for their lives. Two of them are getting married and though I'm so excited for their new lives that they are about to begin, I must say I'm sad i won't get to live with them any longer. The Lord has also brought a wonderful man into my life that makes me want to fall more in love with my savior each time i talk to him. There is so much that I have not yet learned, but its not a race its takes years and experience to gain wisdom. Its been a funny semester, not at all like what I was expecting. I expecting to stay angry at the American culture, spend more time with friends than school, paint more often, stay single and lots of other things that just didn't happen.
Well, those are my thoughts. I should probably start studying for my final and finish my paper. Happy Thursday.

Silent Buses

I go to a University of 47,000 students. As soon as we get accepted to Texas A&M we have an instant connection, we are all Aggies now. So why is it when riding the bus, we ride in silence? I mean we all have at least one thing in common, so why do shut down as soon as we get in the presence of the thing that takes us to campus or home? Everytime I walk to the bus stop I tell myself, "okay, today i'm going to talk to the person I'm sitting next too, b/c this is just ridiculous!" So I get on the bus full of good intentions and see that the person I'm sitting next too has already cut me off with technology singing in their ears...the i-pod. So I have continued to ride in silence with the rest of the aggies on my bus. Its really sad. Today there was an awesome song from 90 's on (I can't remeber what is was right now). It took everything within me (kind of) to not get up and start dancing and telling people how silly it is that we don't enjoy our rides to campus and home by talking to eacher other. Maybe I should initiate a game...hmm.

I have been reading a bunch of books and different cultures. One of them was talking about how American's are so friendly and willign to offer opportunities to hang out with people, yet we never follow through it seems. I feel like in general (which I hate generalizations, but well here goes) that we tend to be consumed with how feel about something that we forget about the people around us. I'm selfish, i know that full well. Meeting and taking the opportunity to know other people are so important to how to gain different perspectives on the world. People are worth our time and our discomfort. I know how it feels when someone takes time to ask me about my life and just pay some attention to me...yet I'm so shy in returning it. I pray that I won't ride a silent bus for all my time at A&M. Its just sad.

Overwhelmed

Classes started on Monday. They are all really interesting and I have awesome professors. HOwever, they are all reading intensive and important to my major. I love to read, so I don't think it will be so bad once I get a routine down. Along with classes, the carrer center came and talked to my Intro. into International Studies class today about all the things we need to do to get prepared to find a job before we graduate. I have never worried about what I'm going to do after I graduate, until today. I don't know why, i just all of sudden was so unsure of everything my heart has been saying to me for so long. I started to make a list in my head of people to talk to about future carrers and paths that would be good for me to follow. As I'm typing this and rereading what I just put down, i'm seeing that thats not me and I don't believe that I am suppose to go into some kind of international buisness, or teaching or whatever else those people may say. I know my heart and I what I want to do. Way above that, I belive and trust that God knows my heart as well and He is going to take care of me...and all my student loans. My career path may not be clearly defined, heck I probably wont have a career, but I have to hope that God knows what He is doing. It so easy to be in place where people have such high expectations of you and you start wanting to reach them, when they just don't fit how are created to be. I'm definitly in that place. I want my professors to like me and know that I am passionate about what I'm studying, but I can't spend time worrying about it and trying to reach human standards, b/c then I forgot about God and what He wants of me and He is the one I find peace from. Its crazy how wacked out I can get from other people. I don't know if anyone else can relate, but seriously don't fret over people liking you or not liking you or having ridiculous expectations of you. Living for Jesus is the most freeing thing there is, b/c he has it all taken care of. Galations 1:10 says " For am I seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please me, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." I need to tatto this thing to my head, my hand...everywhere, b/c its hard and easy to forget.

Learning

I was stuck in traffic in Mobile on my home...it was a beautiful day, so I decided to snap some photos while waiting.

So I'm back in the States from Barcelona. Its been good to be home. Right now I'm in alabama with my family and its been good to get to catch up with them and just sit in their presence. I have had soo much fun playing with my 18 month old brother. He is beyond adorable...of course I'm sure I'm biased, but really he is pretty darn cute. He loves cell phones right now and he'll pretend to talk on it when he gets hold of one. oh, and he also knows how to "gig'em", (its when you put your thumb up and say "gig'em ags" at Texas A&M) like i said...pretty darn cute! My sister and I are leaving Tuesday to drive back to Texas and then I'll head up to Arlington for a couple of days then go back to my grandparents and try to get everything together to move back to College Station for another semester. Then I start back to work January 10th and then classes start the 14th. I can't believe it is all happening so quickly.

along with it being good to be home, it has also been hard and confusing. I lived in a culture completly different from mine for 3 months and I learned so much and my eyes were opened up to so much. Being thrown back into my culture, where I only speak English and I understand what people are saying when I pass them on the street, or not having to stress about how to say something when I go out to eat...its all really weird. On top of that, trying to explain to people my experience is also difficult. there is so much to say, but I'm at loss for words when people ask me and don't have time to listen. I'm really uncomfortable back here and I'm not even where I'm going to be living for the semester. I keep trying to think about what my mindset and thoughts were when i arrived in Barcelona. I remember thinking alot about being a student in every aspect. A student of culture, language, art, school, people... I wanted and believed that I needed to learn from the people that, I believe, God put in my path to be there to guide me and help me find my way around the city and adapt to the culture. so I have been thinking about that the past couple of days and I'm seeing that I need to be a student of my own culture. I don't have it all figured out,and lets face it, I never will. I think it is important to be rooted on certain aspects of our lives, but to also be willing to listen and learn from other people. I believe that God can and does teach through other people, weather they believe in the same God as you, or have the same political views, or they are from a different culture or race or family or different backgroud and experiences. So, i'm seeking to be student of my home, my family, who I'm with or around. Its alot harder here and honestly I'm not that aware as I should be of the importance of listening and being present where I'm at. Its funny how cultural prejudices are there and you don't even know why.

I'm not sure how I will fit back in College Station, Texas. I hope that I will remain a student in every aspect. I want and need to learn so much. do you ever have those times when you reflect on the things you have said and done in the past and just cringe at your ignorance and are even kind of embarassed? Well, I've been doing that. I hate it when I think about the past in that way, but I guess its another way of how I learn. I'm continuing to learn to understand that I need to have patience and grace with myself. God has given me so much grace and he is so patient with me.

"26 Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things–and the things that are not–to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God–that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

I love this verse from the Bible. It gives me hope and a desire to trust in God and not in myself. I can't live this life without Him. I try many days and for even long periods of time, but I see a difference when I depend on God each day and not myself.

Happy New Year!

Questions...

How do you explain the last 3 months of your life?

How do you answer "So how was Spain?"?

How do you adapt back to American culture, but still hold on to the things that are important to you from Spanish culture?

How are you going to keep up your spanish?

How are you going to stay in touch with your friends in Barcelona and be there for your friends in the States?

How are you going to work, go to school, be involved in the community, spend time knowing and learning about Jesus, stay connected with friends and family, paint, write, try to make good grades and not go crazy?

What is life going to be like after these 3 months in Barcelona?

Am I going to have the same friends?

Is my life going to be different after being away for 3 months?

I'm a girl of questions right now. I'm freaked out about going home. Can I be honest? I can't wait to see the people in my life that I love, but I'm going to miss the ones I have come to love here in Barcelona more than I know how to explain. I can't believe how fast my time here as gone by. while it was happening it seemed like it was going so slow, but now that its over its like "what?!?! I leave Saturday??!?!" I have no words to express how thankful I am to have been able to live in Barcelona for these past 3 months. I have met so many wonderful people and made some priceless friendships. I have been able to live in a city that is older than my own country. I have met people from all over the world and have lived with them. Oh, there is so much...somethings wonderful and exciting and other things that were and are hard to deal with and I'm not sure how its going to look when I get back to the states. Its a journey and my experience in Barcelona is not just a page in my journal. I pray that I will continue to learn from time here and that my life will be different in the states.

On a present note...I'm going to Barca championship futball (soccer) game tomorrow...WHOOP!! I'm pretty excited! I have a paper I am going to try to start tonight or early tomorrow morning...thankfully there is a starbucks very close to my residencia. Friday I'm going to Montjuic with some friends and one my friends from Spanish class, her and her husband are opening a bar here in Barcelona, so a bunch of us are going to the opening that night. then i'm probably not going to go to sleep, since Tanner and I have to get a taxi at 5am and then we leave Barcelona at 7:30 to London, then to Chicago. In Chicago Tanner and I split and he flies to Dallas and I fly to Houston. Its going to be long day. I think I'll arrive in Houston at 5:30am Barcelona time and like 9:30 Texas time. So weird to think about it all. Now I should probably start packing, but I think I'm going to go sleep instead. Buenas Noches!

learning to be a child

Sometimes I think we try to grow ourselves up way to fast. I was sitting in Starbucks the other morning enjoying Christmas music and some wonderful Christmas blend coffee. I place myself next to a window where I could see all the tourists with their Barcelona guide books and crazy confusing maps stretched out trying to decide where to go. As I'm gazing out the window, I see a little girl walking with her mom. next thing I see, is the little girl steps up on the edge of the window to walk a bit taller next to her mom. It seems that it was all done in silence, but I did I have a window between me and the possible words that could have flown. The little girls expression though, was like "there is a place where i can be taller when I walk, so why shouldn't I?..Duh!" For some reason this just warmed my heart and made me think about how fast I am trying to grow up. I'm such a planner. I get a month ahead of myself all the time and miss the gift of the moments I am so blessed to have. I want to be that little girl, and jump up on a ledge and walk just because its fun to be taller than you really are. Given, i'm not a fan of high heel shoes, but i do like rollercoasters and being at the top of a mountain. How often do we just do stuff because its fun? i don't do it as nearly as much as i feel compelled sometimes...but hopefully I am changing and will a bit more now.

More thoughts...
I'm living in such a crazy, beautiful, ecclectic, delightfully charming city. Yes, their are tons of toursits all of the time, but there are also beautiful Spainards and other nationalities that are trying to make life happen here. I'm falling in love with my life here. Its hard in some ways to not always be surrounded by other believers in Jesus Christ, but at the same time its blissfully wonderful. To no longer feel like you are competeting for Holiness against your friends and family you dearly love. I'm alone, I do have my friends from the states that have the same beliefs, but I don't see them everyday. I'm alone, I have no one to measure myself agaisnt, but Jesus Christ, and lets face it, I don't compare to the King of Kings and the Prince of Peace. I am being so humbled and so humilitated by my lack of understanding of what it means to be a child of God. I don't have it figured out. I'm messed up, like the rest of us. The moment I think I have it figured out, I fall on my face and I miss the point once again. thankfully, I'm loved as i am in this moment by my Creator. Jesus loves me when I pitch fit, when I'm unfaithful, when my selfishness rules over what He wants, he loves me as i am in that moment. The more I seek Him the more I am refined and made more like Him. It doesn't happen over night. It takes time. I'm learning to be patient with myself. God is so patient with me.

One of my favorite things I have done lately was Saturday my friend Rose and i went on a hunt to find an ice skating rink, well by the time we found it, it was closing. By that time we were pretty hungry. A popular food in the winter in Catalunya is sweet potatoes and chestnuts. So Rose and I had to Las Ramblas to a little vendor on the side and bought roasted chestnuts and sweet potatoes (are you singing the Christmas song in your head...yes!). Then we headed to Plaza Catalunya to sit and enjoy our meal while watching the people. It was so much fun! Rose is a fellow gluten-intolerant friend and since McDonalds has gluten-free stuff, we decided to have a Mcflurry for dessert. It was a fantastic day! So here are some pics from that.

"chestnuts roasting on an open fire...Jack frot nipping at your nose..." oh I love Christmas!


Yummy!!!



Here are some girls from my resi. We had a birthday party for one of the girls, Adrianna, and also a going away party for my friend Gaby.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

These are a few of my favorite things...

To make the time here go by slower I have become increasingly more aware of the things in BCN that I simply just adore and the things that I don't think I will miss to much.

I love that each day I walk to class I see and hear someone playing an instrument or singing their heart out to make some money. I love that on a random day, like today, there is a movie being filmed...yeah its a Spanish movie so don't get to excited, but hey famous people here in Barcelona, pretty awesome. I love that you can buy chocolate pretty much anywhere. I love that there is always an ice cream shop in sight. I love that you can buy coffee anywhere...even in my school; it comes out of a machine, but its really good. I love it when I see people dancing to the beat of someones music. i love that people just stop where they are at and just start kissing...I don't know that this is necessarily a great thing, but I like seeing people live in the moment and being real. I love that I have to walk pretty much everywhere I go. I love buying my food in open market. I love that I can look out almost any window and see something extraordinarily beautiful. (I think i am contradicting my last post with the use of love...but I'm trying to emphasis how much I like it here). i love pomegranates (I'm eating one as I type this post). I love public transportation...I'm just not that great at driving. I love the people, the culture, my friends...so much more.

I'm not a big fan of poop on the side walk, tourist...hmm I think I qualify as one. The random whiffs of what smells like raw sewage is pretty awful. Cars and motos driving down this little streets. even though I say I don't like these things...I'm probably going to miss them.

Along with seeing the things that I see each day in Barcelona I have become more aware of the presence of God. I'm trying to look for him in all things that I see, because He is everywhere. One of the things I say to myself everyday when i am in the midst of fear or just being overwhelmed I whisper to myself "I have Jesus." I do. I have Jesus. he gives me life each day. He knows no fear. I am who I am because I have Jesus in my life. He is taking care of me. That's another thing i was thinking about the other day. God has never let me down. Never. I have never been disappointed at what He has done in my life. He is so faithful...not like people. God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us. Let me say that again. God loves us so much that He sent Jesus, his only son, to die for us. You know why? Because he loves us and he wants us to spend all eternity with Him. But even beyond that. God does not want us to have "life" insurance by saying we believe in Him and believe that Jesus rose from the dead. He wants us to know Him now. He wants us to have satisfaction in Him. He wants us to enjoy His presence. He wants to hear our voice talking to Him when we are distressed or in fear. He doesn't want us to wait until we are standing before Him at the gates of Heaven to know Him more. We can know Him now.


Here are some pictures of some of my favorite things...yes I have watched a bit of The Sound of Music recently.



this is picture of an old palace at Montjuic. Now its an art museum. It is one of my favorite places I have visited so far.




this the view from the top of Montjuic...isn't it gorgeous!?!




These are some of our friends from school at our Halloween party.



this is at Montserrat. Its a good 2 hour train/bus/metro/walking from Barcelona.



That's right...its movie being filmed...so cool!




The best coffee shop in the world!



Lastly, people dancing the traditional Catalan dance, that i forgot the name of.



This is Haley, Tanner, Rose, Sonya and me at an awesome Irish bar. It reminds me of Harry Potter.



Karin, Me and Gaby. We all live together in my residencia.




This Sofie from Belgium. We also live together.





So here is tiny glimpse of my life here in Barcelona. Have a fantastic day!